True Life: I'm a New Mom

Don't quote me on this, but I think I might be becoming a real person again.

 

Source

After two months of hunkering down with baby and dog, I am doing major things like taking elective trips to stores and not living so much with the motto,

"If I won't die without it, I'm not going to leave the house to get it."

 

Think dinners like Tuna with Israeli Couscous...with no couscous. 

 

You know what doesn't help a new mom's confidence in reentering the world?  Your baby going ballistic when you are in the feminine hygiene aisle of the grocery store, not being able to abandon your mission because you naively put all your groceries in your stroller because you thought you could actually do this, than accidentally throwing his pacifier on the floor and having to reinsert it in his mouth because you have no earthly idea what else to do to make him stop crying.  (And then praying that no one saw you on the security camera for fear that they might call child services).

 

Where was this fatigue when I needed to get my groceries!?

 

Also, your baby having another full on melt down when you are attempting to exercise and are 2 miles away from your house and to change his diaper on the side of the road, then taking another hour to make it back home because you have to stop and cradle him every 50 feet or 50 seconds, whichever comes first.

 

Maybe he was crying because his head muff made him too hot?

 

 

And you know what else?  Getting rear ended by a friendly man named Ronald who was not so friendly with his brakes on your very first outing in the car with your baby.

 

 

 

But I'm back.  I think.  I might even start wearing real pants and stuff soon.  The only remaining problem I have in this area is that my new ass seems to have eaten my old ass.  So we are having some "fit" issues in the bottoms department. 

 

I also thought at one point that my earring holes might have actually closed up from lack of being a real person and wearing accessories, but it turns out I just had to retrain myself to insert earrings. 

 

I am woman, hear me roar!