Snack Attack

Not much is happening in my neck of the woods this beautiful Friday, except a major nose barnacle forming from a whirlwind head cold and subsequent blowing of my nose.  16,000 times. 

 

However, I do have some great little food items to recommend to you to pick up for the weekend activities, guests, or general snackage:

 

This cereal is Gluten Free, low in sugar, and absolutely delicious!  The best part is that they taste like Cap'n Crunch and/or Cookie Crisp.  I couldn't quite put my finger on which one it was reminiscent of, but it's definitely one of those...I think.  It must be all the vanilla.  A breakfast or dessert delight, to be sure!
 



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Cascade Sparkling Coconut Water - This stuff tastes like a sparkling Pina Colada.  I was afraid it was going to taste like murky butt, like most other coconut waters I've tasted, but instead it was like a calorie free tropical delight.  I could drink 10 of these a day.  (*They are awesome amazing with vodka, but in keeping with the generally healthy theme of these snacks, let's pretend you didn't hear it from me.  Wink Wink.)

 



 

This World Market wonder tasted just like Bugles!  Another awesome healthy snack fake out.  The only downside is that you can't place them over each of your fingers tips and pretend you are a witch.  I hate that :(
 

 



These crackers aren't a healthy snack fake out like the other treats.  They don't have to be.  They don't taste like Doritos or anything.  They just taste awesome.  The mélange (yes, I went there) of flavors in these bite size crackers is so various and crunchy that you don't even know which seed will pop in your mouth next.  Now obviously that's not an attribute you want in all facets of life ;) but for a crunchy cracker?  Hell yes.



I hope that you try at least one of these awesome, wholesome snacks this weekend.  Let me know what you think!

 

TGIF Motha Effers!

My Dream Exercise

If it only it were this simple:

 

 

 

The only thing that concern me about this exercise is not it's effectiveness.  They proof is in the pudding.  And in the camel toe.

 

It's that Johanna appears to be running loose in an insane asylum.  Somebody stop that prancing diva!

 

Suddenly I'm in the mood to prance...

Flippin' Crazy

I saw this article last night on DrudgeReport.com and sent it to myself.  Then this morning I remembered it and thought, "Ha, what a funny thing to dream about."  Because I thought surely I dreamt of this, right?  This cannot be a real thing.  Like a unicorn.

 

Wrong.

 

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Couple Plans To Deliver Baby In Dolphin-Assisted Birth

 

The worst part of this article isn't just that these people did this:

 

"The Barringtons have been prepping for an underwater birth by taking prenatal swims with dolphins."

 

It's that the are from North Carolina.  Thanks for shaming the great state of NC, you silly nuts jobs.

 

And in not at all shocking real information:

 

"Medical Daily reports that many scientists have dismissed dolphin-assisted therapy. Studies have also shown that dolphins have been known to become aggressive toward people."

 

I know.  This is brand new information, right?

 

I already don't understand how water births work, because it seems like the baby would breath in water when coming out.  So I super don't understand how a water birth with a dolphin would work.  I guess you just have to hope that your baby floats and that the dolphin isn't specifically trained to do this, in which case it's bye bye baby:

 

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Mimi Bow Wow

My apologies for the unprecedented absence m'ladies!  Due to unforeseen circumstances I was away from my computer for the better part of last week. 

 

But, after 5 solid days of over eating, over drinking, and over emotionaling, I'm back!

 

And what better way to return than with a Mariah Carey related task.  MC needs help naming her dogs.  Check out the story here.  She's already narrowed her choices down to the rational 3 following:

 

Pow, Pip and Beau T. Ful.

 

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I'm sure it goes without saying that my vote is for Beau T. Ful.  Because it's absolutely ridiculous. 

 

Speaking of ridiculous.  My little Rosie is off the charts cute these days.  Leaving her at home to go to work everyday is a really special type of torture.  It's like leaving the tropics to go one of the Dakotas in the dead of winter (i.e., not cool bro).

 

 

 

 

 

 

Cauliflower Crust Pizza

Last night I made something that was so weird that I almost gave up before I even started. 

 

Healthy + Gluten Free Pizza with a Cauliflower Crust

 

I copied the recipe exactly from Eating Bird Food, except that I put in 1/2 a cup of mozzarella and a 1/2 cup of Daiya Mozzarella Shreds (I'm experimenting with eating less dairy).

 

Crispy, cheesy, heavenly crust!

 

 Author: Eating Bird Food

Serves: 8

Ingredients

• ½ head cauliflower (about 2 cups riced)
• 1 clove garlic, minced
• 1 cup part-skim shredded mozzarella cheese
• 1 egg, beaten
• 1 teaspoon basil
• 1 teaspoon oregano

Instructions

1. Pre-heat oven to 400° F.
2. Prep a cookie sheet or pizza stone. You can grease the cookie sheet or use greased aluminum foil. It will stick if you don’t grease it properly.
3. Remove the stems and leaves from your cauliflower and chop the florets into chunks. Add to a food processor and pulse just until the texture is similar to rice.
4. Sauté cauliflower “rice” in a non-stick skillet over medium heat and cook until translucent, approximately 6-8 minutes. (You can use the microwave for this as well. Just place cauliflower in an uncovered microwave-safe bowl and cook for 8 minutes.)
5. In a bowl combine the cooked cauliflower with all remaining ingredients.
6. Spread dough out evenly over foil (or stone) – about ¼ to ⅓ of an inch thick. The pizza should be about 9-10 inches in diameter.
7. Bake for 25-30 minutes or until the crust is golden, crispy on the edges and cooked through the middle.
8. Remove the crust from the oven.
9. Top with pizza sauce and toppings. Be careful not to add too many heavy toppings as you don’t want to weigh down the crust.
10. Broil the pizza for 5 minutes, or until the toppings are hot and the cheese is melted. Allow the pizza to cool for 2-3 minutes then cut and serve immediately.

 

To say this pizza was good would be an understatement.  It was wonderful.  It almost becomes like a cheese wafer in the oven before you even add toppings to it.  I would eat this crust plain!  However, this time I made it into a Buffalo Chicken pizza by adding red onion, more cheese and "cheese", and chicken chunks marinated in Frank's Red Hot Sauce.

 

Can you tell which side has the non-dairy cheese :)  It's pretty obvious.

You could make it any way you wanted.  Plain, pepperoni, veggie delite, etc.  The only thing that makes this markedly unlike regular pizza, for me, was that I had to eat it with a fork and knife because the crust isn't as sturdy as regular bread crust.

 

I'm so glad I didn't give up on this recipe before starting it.  It was such a treat.  And, although it was a little labor/time intensive, it was so worth it for the end result.

 

By the way, this recipe says 8 servings.  I hope that just means 8 slices, which is what I got out of it.  Because I bet those would be 8 angry people if all they got was one slice for dinner.   Grant and I ate the whole thing last night.

 

Now one more time with feeling, and chives!

 

 

Park It

This is the car parked "next to me" in the parking lot at my office.

 

 

 

There had to have been some sort of grand mal seizure involved in this operation.  Unreal.  This has got to be the worst I've ever seen.

Ice Cream Sundays - Chocolate Peppermint Crunch

 

 

 

Ben and Jerry's just came out with 2 new flavors and I finally got to try them recently.  I say "finally" because they've been out for a couple of months but I wasn't in a position ass-wise to go buying 2 pints of ice cream.  Luckily my mom saved the day and bought both pints at her house so I was able to try both without being held hostage to them in my own house.  This is just a frightening glance into my complex mind when it involves ice cream.

 

Anywho...This flavor is AMAZING.  My new favorite as a matter of fact.  It has Chocolate Ice Cream with Peppermint and Fudge Swirls, with Mint Chocolate Cookie Balls.

 

So basically, everything that is right with the world.

 

Ok first of all, the peppermint and fudge swirls are to die for.  They are so gooey and tasty and so everything.  Then there's the mint chocolate cookie balls.  Do you like Girl Scout Cookie Thin Mints?  I'm assuming the answer to that was an astounding HELL YES.  In which case, go to the grocery store now and buy this flavor.  Because you are basically getting amazing chocolate/mint/fudge ice cream with a bonus of Thin Mints in it. 

 

Ahh hell yea.

 

If that isn't enough to justify a new favorite flavor, I don't know what is.  Try it this weekend.  The mint gives this ice cream the perfect refreshing flavor for a hot summer's day.

 

Summary:

Flavors Tried - 41

Favorite Flavors  - Chocolate Peppermint Crunch!

Frozen Strawberry Margaritas

I have the perfect weekend cocktail recipe for you.  It's cold, it's refreshing, and it's actually "healthy".  Healthy as in there is no added sugar or syrup or anything.  Not healthy as in it contains alcohol.  But hey, it's Friday, so who gives a crap?

 

 

 

Here's the recipe - Frozen Strawberry Margaritas

 

They are oh so good, and oh so guilt free because there are no artificial ingredients or added sugar.

 

I made a few batches last weekend and I couldn't get enough!  The recipe is almost exactly as I found it on ValSoCal.com, with a few exceptions.

 

                                                           6 ounces of tequila
                                                           2 ounces grand marnier or Triple Sec
                                                           1 quart of fresh strawberries,

         *I used strawberries I froze last weekend from Lewis Farms and they were amazing
                                                           3 limes, juiced
                                                           3/4 cup water
                                                           2 tablespoons agave nectar, I omitted
                                                           3 to 4 cups of ice

 

 

The flavor and texture after being blended really did taste like a restaurant style margarita/daiquiri.  You could easily make this a true daiquiri by using rum instead of tequila.  Or a virgin daiquiri by omitting alcohol altogether.  Ole!! to another weekend!

 

Craigs List - One Man Needs Date to a Wedding

In case you are looking for something to do this weekend, I have a possibility for you!

 

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http://washingtondc.craigslist.org/doc/m4w/3807316087.html

 

The only requirements to apply for the position are:

 

Looking for a well-rounded young lady that is educated, can dance, and is at least 21.

if interested you should please provide:
- a selfie
- brief resume
- your favorite color

 

The selfie alone would be a deal breaker for me because, well, selfies are heinous abuses of social media.  But he looks like a catch nonetheless.  At least for the weekend! 

 

And as a bonus I bet he is asking for your favorite color for a corsage purchase!  Oh la la!

Wedding Market Brilliance

This is just absolutely brilliant - BridalBrokerage.com.  A little sad, but mostly just brilliant.

 

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Here's the business premise in a nutshell:

 

 

"Over 250,000 weddings are called off every year.

Bridal Brokerage finds new couples to take over canceled wedding contracts, saving money for buyers, sellers, and wedding vendors alike.

As thousands have registered to purchase beautiful weddings at a fraction of the price, we’ve found another way to make weddings even more affordable.

Wedding vendors are looking to fill their availability over the next 6 months.

If you’re happy with one of our dates, we’re happy to discount the price.

Welcome to Bridal Brokerage. A New Market for Weddings."

 

I saw this on the Today show this morning and I kind of can't believe no one has already thought of it.  People are always looking to make money off of tragedies.  I guess this is kind of like the cremation services of broken engagements.  But everybody technically "wins".

 

At least in this case the broken couple gets a little money back and the new couple gets a fly wedding on the cheap.

 

I really can't imagine how low that would feel when you have your engagement called off and then you subsequently have to go to BridalBrokerage.com and click on the link to "Sell Your Wedding."  But still, a little money back might help buy a little happy back!

 

Speaking of broken engagements, I know of several couples in the last few years who have either had a broken engagement or a marriage that lasted less than a year.  I know it is extremely sad and surprising for the couples involved, but why does everyone have to pretend like it never happened?

 

If you were engaged or married the last time I saw you and now you're not, feel free to offer up an explanation, because you know I'm going to be curious!

Cookie Monster

Happy National Chocolate Chip Cookie Day!

 

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Fun fact:

 

"Ever wonder how the chocolate chip cookie came to be? Legend has it that it was created in the 1930s by Ruth Wakefield at the Toll House Inn in Whitman, Mass. Wakefield apparently decided to add a few bits of chopped chocolate to a batch of butter cookie dough, expecting the chocolate to melt into the cookies as they baked. To her surprise, the chocolate held its shape and America's favorite cookie was born." (Source)

 

In case you are ever one Baked-Goods Jeopardy you might need to know that.  Now go get a cookie and celebrate!

Ham & Cheese Quinoa Cups

I have another wonderful quinoa recipe thanks to the Queen of Quinoa Recommendations, by way of the IowaGirlEats.Com.

 

Mini Ham & Cheese Quinoa Cups

This is one of my favorite quinoa creations yet.  It doesn't hurt that it involves cheese, ham, and herbs.  These are a few of my favorite things!

They are basically mini quiche with even more protein and nutrients.  Winner, winner, ham dinner breakfast.  At least, I ate it for breakfast. 

 



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How much of a treat is a hot breakfast?  I don't think I'd had a hot breakfast during the work week since high school, until I was introduced to these little delights.  Now I'm popping that shit in the microwave and having hot breakfasts like I'm the Queen of England.  Or at least the Queen of English Muffins.

 

I halved the recipe and used a regular sized muffin tin and it made 12 quinoa cups.  I don't know what that makes the nutritional value per cup, but I know that they were so good that 2 each morning made me feel happy and satisfied and not weighted down like most hot breakfasts do.

 

I'm putting a serious dent in my quinoa stash with all of these amazing recipes.  Before I know I will have to buy another 5 pound bag from Costco and start scouring for more recipes to try!

Scary Movie 40

I watched a movie this past weekend which was easily the scariest movie I have ever seen.

 

This is 40.

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Sure it's supposed to be a comedy.  But unless your life is impossibly perfect, it's not.  It was so terrifyingly sad and believable that I am officially dedicating the rest of my pre-40's to finding happiness and not becoming like this movie's protagonists.

 

Seriously, unless you are already in a situation in which you are financially secure for the rest of your life, which a spouse that worships you, and a perfect family life, do not watch this movie expecting to laugh.

 

After the final credits started rolling I declared, stunned and almost speechless, to Grant:

 

"That was the scariest movie I have ever seen."

 

You have been warned!

Case Closed

Recently I bought a case of beer at Harris Teeter.  It's cheaper per unit than buying a 6 pack, and I just wanted to buy a case, but I didn't think I needed to explain myself either way.

 

Until I got to the register.  And met the 17-year old looking adolescent that was ringing me up.

 

"I hope this isn't all for you!"

 

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First of all, those who swipe bar codes should not pass judgment.  If I was getting a bag of chips and someone said, "I hope this isn't all for you!", I would consider paging the manager because that is just offensive and suggestive of calling someone fat.

 

In this case I really wasn't going to go home and drink a whole case of beer, so I played along with his little charade and said, "No.  Not all for me, and not all for tonight." 

Ha.  Ha Ha.  Ha Ha.  Shut up.

 

Then he proceeds (why?!), "I couldn't even drink this whole thing and I can out drink almost anyone!"

 

First I was surprised because, A) He looked 17, B) He had just judged me for buying bulk beer, and C) Who brags about drinking, while on the job (I think a manager was even nearby!  Or at least someone in a different colored shirt than the cashiers, indicating more power)?

 

I get ready to sign my receipt, ready for this whole awkward deal to be over, then he chimes in again!

 

"I can even out drink my dad...And he's an alcoholic!"

 

That's when I just gave up.  How the hell do you respond to that?  "Oh good for you!"  "Sucks for your dad!"  I didn't even try.  I just went home and drank some beer.

 

Sometimes less is more when it comes to talking at the check out.  Especially when it involves your father's alcoholism.  I guess they don't teach that in Harris Teeter training camp.

Say No More

Speaking of bacon...I just found the news that I've been looking for -

 

105-Year-Old Woman Says Bacon Is Her Secret to Long Life

 

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I've already decided I want to kick the bucket at age 81, before I get all crazy and gross, but this woman might make me change my mind.

 

 

Not only does she get to eat bacon every single day!  She also got the Oscar Mayer Weinermobile at her Birthday.  I've never been more jealous of a senior citizen.

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Mothers' Day Greetings

I think I finally found my $1,000,000 idea - Mothers' Day Cards that don't suck.

 

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I went to buy some yesterday and I had to go to 2 stores.  Not because I was loading up and bought out the selections.  But because the first store's selection was so abysmal that I would have rather given my mom a homemade piece of construction paper with stick figures and hearts drawn on it.

 

The second store was only fractionally better and I bought one there just because I didn't know where else to go.

 

I also bought my husband a card to send to his mom that made me LOL so hard in the greeting card aisles that I probably looked crazy.  I bought it half because it really was the best one I could find for a non-gay man with severe emotional issues.  And half because I knew he would be too lazy to buy another one and will end up sending it anyway.  It went something like this on the outside (I'm paraphrasing):

 

"I want to wish you a Happy Mothers' Day in my own manly way"

 

Inside:

 

"I LOVE YOU MOMMY!"

 

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Sometimes I just can't resist the ridiculous.  I guess that makes me an evil genius.  Or just a bitch. 

 

The only really positive thing that came out of my card shopping yesterday was my observations of the other shoppers and their equally as disappointed reactions to the options.  I wish I could candidly record people's reactions to the singing cards, that they don't know are going to sing.

 

There is really nothing quite as entertaining at a pharmacy as watching people's horrified reactions when the cute little greeting card starts singing "It's Raining Men" upon opening and the rapid fire speed with which everyone immediately slams them back shut.

That was a good time.

 

As I was searching for an image for the card I actually bought Grant, I found this instead.  Now why can't they sell this at CVS?  This is good stuff.

 

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A Cut Above Boutique

If you are ever looking for a cute clothing piece that is on trend and doesn't cost an arm and a leg, check this out:

 

A Cut Above Boutique

 

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I found out about it from a blog I read called Peanut Butter Fingers, and I ordered a really cute maxi skirt on the spot.

 

Every single thing they sell is $50 or less!

 

The only downside is that you can't return for a refund, only store credit.  But at prices this low you might as well just learn to love the piece you bought :)

 

It looks like a good place to find fun spring and summer clothes that brighten up your wardrobe without lightening up your cash flow.

The Artist Formerly Known as Meat

Don't you just hate it when you go to the grocery and can't figure out the difference between ground beef, flank steak, and pork chops and leave with a raging meat-induced headache? 

 

Oh really?  Me neither.

 

Nonetheless, The National Pork Board and the National Cattlemen's Beef Association have decided to rename all the meat you can buy at the grocery store.

 

Check out the article here - Exciting Day for Meat: All The Meats are Getting New Names

 



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They are renaming the cuts of meat to reflect names that people are more familiar with from restaurants.  And by restaurants I'm sure they mean Red Robin. 

 

I'm sorry but a "Denver Steak" is not less confusing than "Beef under blade boneless steak".  I literally have no idea what a Denver Steak is. 

 

And "Beef loin top sirloin cubes" will now become "kabobs." Because apparently we are that stupid.

 

So  this summer, if it ever stops raining, fire up your grill, gather your brethren, and get out your meat thesaurus, because meat nomenclature as we know it will never be the same.

Fresh Faced Sabbath

Well it's official - People will sue over absolutely anything. 

 

Did you see this in the news - Lawsuit claims Lancôme's 24-hour makeup fails Sabbath test

 

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Orthodox Jew says what??  This is just nuts.  The main gist of the suit is as follows:

 

"“Plaintiff is an Orthodox Jew and abides by Jewish law by not applying makeup from sundown on Friday until nighttime on Saturday. As such, Plaintiff often wears the same makeup for at least a 24 hour period between Friday and Saturday evening,” the suit states."

 

AKA, Crazytown, USA.

 

"In April, the plaintiff tested the product prior to the Sabbath. “She applied the Product at approximately 5:00 p.m. on a Thursday. Plaintiff felt that the product made her skin look very cakey. By Friday morning, Plaintiff’s skin was shiny, particularly around her nose. Moreover, the Product that had been applied had faded significantly, making Plaintiff’s skin look uneven. It looked like very little of the Product was remaining on Plaintiff’s face, which was confirmed when she removed the remainder of the Product at 3:00 p.m. with a white cotton ball, where very little of the Product was found on the pad,” the suit states."

 

What a colossal waste of every one's time and vanity.  Get a life lady.  And get an esthetician.  There are more important things in life to worry about than looking fresh on the Sabbath.  Like which ice cream flavor to try next.

 

The Olive Cafe and Wine Bar - An Epicurean Emporium Devoted to Taste

If you live in Wilmington and are wondering what you are going to do this weekend, wonder no more.  I've got you covered. 

 

You will be dining al fresco at The Olive Café and Wine Bar at the Forum Shopping Center on Military Cutoff Road. 

 

Now I can't speak personally for the lunch and dinner offerings, but the menu looks To. Die. For.  I am going back as soon as I can get a dinner date.

 

I can, however, speak for the brunch menu.

 

I went there last weekend with my sister and mom and we had a splendid meal.  At first glance I was worried, because the brunch menu is semi-limited.  There were only 8 menu items to choose from.  I'm not really a brunch or breakfast gal so I wasn't sure how it was going to play out.

 

Well, it turns out, when everything on the menu is phenomenal you only need 8 choices.  Here's what we got:

 

Croque Madam for my sister:
Ham and Gruyere on an English Muffin, topped with Egg and Mornay Sauce

 

Prosciutto Egg Cups with Cheese for Me:
Self explanatory and divine!  So salty and good.

 

Quiche of the Day for Mom:
I believe this was broccoli, Gruyere, and ham.  T'was delicious.

 

I would go here again and again and again.  I even got a frou frou latte drink just because the whole experience was so gourmet and special. 

 

Who wants to join me for lunch or dinner here soon!?  The menu, found here, has a whole section devoted to "Cheese Toasties".  If that doesn't intrigue and excite you, I don't know what will.

 

They also have a wonderful Olive Oil and Vinegar bar next door called Taste the Olive.  If places like this are thriving, you have to believe the economy is on the mend.  It sells everything you never knew you had to have and has perfect gifts for the lady that loves to cook.  I love it!