Bachelor Sean and His Bevy

I think this is the most devoted I've ever been to watching the Bachelor series and I don't even know why, because I'm pretty sure that Sean dyes his eyebrows.  Usually I fast forward through at least the first half of every episode to get to the "most dramatic" rose ceremony ever.

But not this time.  Inexplicably, I'm watching every awkward second this season.

Is it because I can't take my eyes off Ash Lee?  She is beautiful and kind and gentle and her voice gives me a virtual hug.  But then there's the fact that she's 32, never been married, spells her names in the most pointlessly complicated way possible, and is a Personal Organizer.  Clearly she's got a little cray cray that she isn't showing the cameras yet.  A hot piece like that doesn't stay single for 3 decades for no reason.

Source

Or perhaps it's because I'm disgustingly intrigued my Tiara, arguably the biggest sociopath in Bachelor history?  Last night when she got a rose, the first thing she did was give Jackie the in-your-face look of death.  She clearly does not have good intentions...And I kind of can't wait to see her freeze on tonight's Part 2 episode...

Source

But maybe, at least in last night's case, it was that the beautiful, uncanny twin of Ashley Greene, Selma, copped Aretha Franklin's hat from the last inauguration and wore it like it ain't no big thang.

Source

Source

Source

I've said it before and I'll say it again - I could never, ever be on the Bachelor.  Not because I'm married or normal.  It's because of all of the high flying they do!  Helicopters and planes and bungees, Oh My!  That's not for me.  I like to be on the first floor or ground level at all times.

The only thing real about this reality show is that crazy bitches also exist in real life.  The reason why this never works is because they force these dainty little 90 pounds girls to do things they clearly hate (i.e. rock climbing, canoeing, and drinking goat's milk), and pretend they like it for Sean whilst keeping their lipstick flawless and their hair perfectly coiffed.  Real talk - they ain't gonna do that shit in real life and be so agreeable.

I would like to close this rambling with one thought: Chris Harrison is the Best. Wingman. Ever.  He's always there to occupy the ladies when Sean wants to make out.  He's always shouting his praises and good intentions.  He always plies them with alcohol to make them slightly more interesting.  If only every single guy was so lucky to have a pal like him.  You're a swell guy Chris!

Source