From Target to Me to You

Somebody please go buy this dress at Target before they are all sold out.  They are SO cute!  They look like a lot of Lilly Pullitzer dresses I've seen in recent summer seasons.  But guess what!?  Instead of the $200+ that Lilly would charge you, Target will only charge you $24.99!!!

 

They, especially the green, look less "lacy" and more classy in person.

 

What. A. Steal!

 

I absolutely love the blue and green colors.  It also comes in white and black.  I can just picture the belle of the ball/any Southern bridal shower wearing this and fooling people into thinking she all big money.

 

Unfortunately the smaller size was too short and the larger size was too large, so I didn't get one.  Don't you sometimes which there was a size called a Smedium or a Marge?  You can't just put me in a medium sized box Target!

 

Someone I know has to buy this.  I can't find the link online but they are in store now and you will just beat yourself up if you see this on some stylish lil' thang next spring and don't have one of your own! 

Chicken Piccata with Crispy English Potatoes

I finally got back in the kitchen this week after a long hiatus due to my Real Estate class...and the holidays...and the fact that I went to Hooters on Christmas night instead of cooking something myself.

 

It was so fun to be back at it.  I celebrated my return with an oldie but a goodie in Barefoot Contessa's Chicken Piccata.  One of my all time favorites! 

 

 

 

Alongside that lemony lusciousness I served a new to me recipe from this most amazing new cookbook by Ina Garten - Barefoot Contessa Foolproof.  That woman can do no wrong in my eyes.

 

The sidedish I chose for this particular night was Crispy English Potatoes.  I found the recipe online but I'm not sure if it's a legal link so I'm not going to post it.  Long story short, you boil potatoes and let them simmer for 10 minutes, then put them on a baking sheet with some crispy pancetta and roast at 425 for about 45 mintues with lots of salt and pepper and olive oil. 

BTW, the moral of that short story is that you NEED TO BUY THIS BOOK.  It has so many good recipes with all of my favorite ingredients.  I can't wait to make them all.  Thank you to my sissy for the perfect Christmas present!

 

 

 

Stay tuned in 2013 for lots more cooking!

Smartass Citrus

Have you ever wondered how to cut the perfect lime wedges for cocktails? 

 

Well, wonder no more.  There is an easy step by step set of directions right here - How to Cut Lime Wedges for Cocktails.

 

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Obviously this is need to know information for any hostess with the mostess.  But mostly I just like it because of the last line under "Tips":

 

"If you happen to cut yourself in the process, be sure to squeeze some of the "lime" juice into the cut. While this seems sadistic, you will never cut yourself while cutting fruit again if you do this."

 

Thanks for the tip, smartass.  Bottoms up! 

Ice Cream Sundays - Everything But the...

 

I can finish that sentence.  Everything but the...pizazz.

 

It turns out that putting so many flavors together, even if they are good on their own, might not result in dairy magic.  This just didn't have much flavor.

 

Putting a half-ass effort into a lot of things just doesn't have the same special result as putting all your focus on one thing.  Sometimes you just have to let one star shine for it to be bright.  Wait am I talking about ice cream or am I being philosophical?  Back to the lac (tose).  I just didn't like it.  Which was good because the G-man ate this one in record time, so I had about 2 blah bites for research purposes only.

 

Moving on!

 

Summary:

 

Flavors Tried - 37

 

Favorite Flavors - Mint Chocolate Cookie, Creme Brulee

My kind of strength training

A little Pepp in my step

I rarely venture outside of the world of Ben and Jerry's when I buy ice cream because I am determined to wrap this ice cream eating project up.  But can I just say, if I'm going to cheat, I'm going to cheat with this:

 

 

 

And I am not going to feel guilty about it because A) it is so delicious and creamy that you don't even have to strong-arm it to get it out of the carton (I actually have to microwave Ben and Jerry's) and B) it's only available once a year so you can only indulge so much.

 

 

If you have never tried Peppermint ice cream you simply must.  It's like Christmas in a carton.  Ho ho ho!

A quick summation of my sports career

And my career, career

You have to have real cajones to put antlers and a red nose on your car. 

 

And you have to really love Christmas. 

 

 

And not give a flying f*ck about people's opinion of you.

 

And again, big ol' cajones.  I mean, huge.

Girl I want to make you sweat

Well that was interesting...

 

I have had a pretty stressful month of December, what with my real estate class, the holidays, and life in general.  I just kept waiting and waiting to forget something or lose something because my mind was so all over the place.

 

It finally happened.  And it definitely could have been worse...but it could not have been hotter.  I just went to the gym and was suiting up for a quick cardio sesh when I realized I forgot my shirt.  Bumm.  er. 

 

I had already driven the 25 minutes (traffic in Wilmington right now is OUT OF CONTROL!) to the gym so I refused to be defeated by a little lack of breathable material.  I made the awkward decision to just go ahead and put my sweater back on over my sports bra and hit up the elliptical like it wasn't no thang.

 

The little elbow pads really added to the ridiculousness of the whole look.
 

Nothing like busting out 35 minutes of cardio in a nice cotton/wool blend.  I was absolutely dripping sweat by the end.  The good news was, the sweater was doing it's job.  The bad news was, everything else.  I looked like a dumbass.  I sweated like a whore in church.  And I might have irreversibly ruined my sweater.  But hey, at least I'm done with one of my day hates for the day!

 

It goes without saying that the last 2 minute cooldown was not cool.  In any way.  I basically just hotboxed myself in a wool trap.  Good times. 

Frank the Tank

My friend just sent me a link to this article for the "Hot Slut of the Day!" from Dlisted.com.  I promise it's not sexual.  In fact, is is the opposite of sexual.  It's a story about a drunk boy named Frank and his impossibly chill neighbor.  Read the story here.

 

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This article is great for 3 reasons. 1) I am absolutely dying to know who Frank is and if we have any mutual friends here in Wilmington, NC.  2) This neighbor deserves a Nobel Peace Price for not going absolutely ape shit on ol' Frank the Tank as he whizzed all over his rug. 

 

And 3) This reminds me of a night during Freshman year of college when I lived in a dorm room with one roommate and 2 suite mates with a shared bathroom.  I was watching TV with my roomie one night when the door opened and in walked a spectacularly wasted guy who I did not know.  I assumed he was there to see one of my suite mates so I didn't put up a fight as he walked through the bathroom. 

 

While I thought he was walking through to get to the other side, he was in fact not doing that at all.  I realized something was amiss shortly thereafter when I went out to the hall, only to see him slumped over in a ball beside our door. 

 

I was confused and curious enough to go into my suite mates room to ascertain the identity of the drunkard.  When they told me they thought he was my friend and just passing through, we knew something was up.  Commence bathroom investigation. 

 

Homeslice had essentially just walked through our room door, to our bathroom, vomited all over the bathroom stall, and then right back out the other door.  So, basically we got a Puke N' Run.  Efficient, yes!  Fun to clean up....so no.  OPP (other people's puke) ain't my thing.

 

I'll end this story with my favorite comment from the article:

 

"My BFF lives in Wilm, and I can tell you with certainty that this right here is some Wilmington shit. They really can throw down at the beach."

 

PARTY PEOPLE SAY WHAT!?

Bark

And, I'm back. I've been busy studying for my real estate class exam, and searching for the allusive Fancy. Good news, I passed the former and ate the latter! Both were glorious.

Now I come to bring good tidings and more money saving tips. Have you ever tried the Peppermint Bark from Williams-Sonoma? At $26.95 it's even more expensive than it is delicious. Not exactly what you want in an edible treat, am I right!?

I walked into a Williams Sonoma store last week ready to buy a box or two, BEFORE I saw the outrageous price. When I turned that box over to see that it would cost me over half a hundy to get 2 boxes, I flipped that baby right back over and high-tailed it out the door.

I was prepared to go home and slave over a double-boiler of white chocolate for the next few hours and make my own at a fraction of the cost. That is, until I randomly walked into the Hallmark store (so random) to look for cocktail napkins.

Not only did I find some cutie patooties that say "Merry Christmas, Y'all", I also found the exact same bark for sale for half the price.

Same box and everything!

Christmas is the time to shower the ones you love with gifts and merriment. Not blow your financial wad on two sheets of minty chocolate.

Save your money and go to the Hallmark store for bark. Williams-Sonoma is so over bark-wise. You heard it here first!

Fancy Pantsy...Donut?

Mommy, what's a Fancy?

And why do I want one so bad?

Who's a Foodie, What's a Foodie

I'm not really sure I like the term "foodie".  Because let's be honest, liking food isn't exactly a unique characteristic.

 

Besides one borderline crazy person I once knew that was "allergic to food", everybody likes food.  You aren't a "foodie" because you like food.  You are a human who eats food to survive. 

 

But if I am a "foodie" because I love food, I guess I am also a "airie", a "waterie", a "shelterie", etc.  Because I really like all those things too. 

 

I prefer to be a little more direct when describing my love of food.  I'm not a "foodie", I'm "obsessed with food".  Big difference, little word.

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Money Saver - Save Yo' Cart

I have recently discovered some money saving tips.  Allow me to share.

 

Did you know that a lot of companies, in an effort to make you come back and buy an item you were previously considering, will end up offering you a discount on your shopping cart after a few days?

 

It's not a likely tactic for those that want the instant gratification of their order being processed (hello, self), but if you have a little patience you just might save 10-15% on something you at least liked enough to put in your cart in the first place.

 

 

 

This has happened to me with Zazzle.com, BallardDesigns.Com, and Potterybarn.com to name a few.  Go ahead, try it!

 

It's kind of like those Google Ads you see online that magically happen to advertise your most favorite things.  It's not a coincidence.  The computer can read your mind!

RaceDiva

This is a sure-fire way to get caught speeding.  Not only because you are telling any nearby police officers that you like to race, but also because you WERE speeding.  By a lot.  In broad daylight.  In a topless vehicle in mid-December.

 

Not that I don't respect the fact that you're a diva.  Heaven knows I do.  But sometimes you have to keep a low profile to to be a true diva.  When it comes to safety and traffic tickets, less really is more.

The Hobbs Lobbs

Recently a Hobby Lobby came to a shopping center very near my house.  I thought I'd never go because a) I had no earthly idea what it was and b) I have no true "hobbies" as it pertains to crafts and chotchkies.

 

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Well flash forward 1 month and I've:

 

- Said the words Hobby Lobby more times than any human should

- Been to the store at least 10 times for a wide variety of items

- Saved over $50 because of their unbelievable sales

- Had a 40% off coupon rejected at check out because my items were already on mega sale

- Felt like the biggest red neck ever for using a reejed coupon at a place called Hobby Lobby

 

But I can't stress it enough.  Go there for all of your random needs.  You need a wreath?  They have a variety of faux decor and it's all 1/2 off.

 

Still wrapping presents?  Hobby Lobby has bags, wrapping paper, tissues, and bows.  Also 1/2 off. 

 

Mirrors?  Check!

 

Cheez Its at check out to keep your kids entertained?  Check!

 

Knobs in all styles and shades?  Check!

 

This embodiment of redneckery?  Check!

 

 

 

They've got it all and it's all on sale.  The only that abounds more than fake flowers and knick knacks are the mom jeans and mullets.  And, ladies, that's just fine by me.  (Take a virtual tour here if you don't believe me).  But seriously, just try saying, "I'm going to the Hobby Lobby" and not feeling like a huge redneck.  I say it's not possible.

 

I also say with sales like these I don't give a damn!

Yule Tide Mariah

Real Talk.  This video is brilliant for a number of reasons. 

 

 

 

How can you go wrong with fundamental classroom instruments, Jimmy Fallon, cute kids, and the motha freakin' Roots band?!  Answer: You can't.

 

But the #1 reason why this video is the end all be all of Yuletide merriment is because it showcases the sheer vocal prodigy that is Mariah Carey.  Only the original MC can stand along like this and still sound like an angel we have heard on high.

 

For real y'all.  You will never see Britney Spears or Miley Cyrus going straight acapella on an ORIGINAL chart topping Christmas song.  It just doesn't happen.  Unless you're Mariah Carey.  In which case thank you ma'am for blessing my ears and the Christmas season with the best Christmas song of all time.  #2 being the ever soulful Silent Night by the Temptations.  Can a sista' get a baritone in here!?

 

 

RESPECT

What the What, Sad Clown Edition

Are you on the prowl for a new job?  Perhaps you need a little extra spending money for Christmas but don't have the time to be a full-fledged part-time "seasonal"?  Well if you live in the Durham area of North Carolina, I have the opportunity for you!

 

Source

 

Job description here on Craigslist: Sad Clown.

 

And here, with my commentary in italics:

 

"While this particular position may not specifically be for writers only, I felt that I should offer this opportunity to a particular field that may be most in need of some cash.
A very special day is upon me and I would like to celebrate by bar-hopping, and on this particular night, I'd like to have at my right hand a weeping clown.
For $150 and drinks, I would like you to accompany me to several bars in the Durham, NC area. You will have to be in a clown costume and you will be required to cry. The only time I would ask you to stop crying is to take another shot. (that seems fair)
They do not have to be real tears.   (but they probably will be)
Clown must be of drinking age, preferably mid-thirties.
Must have a high tolerance for alcohol. (and humiliation I assume)
If you can attend the "after-party" at my house, there's an extra fifty bucks and a futon in it for you, but you must like cats."  (I don't even want to know what is going to happen at that after-party.  Cats + Sad Clowns + Alcohol = A fetish that I need not know exists)

 

The poster doesn't go on to say what the "very special day" is, but I am going to guess by this ad that it is not losing his virginity.  Probably more along the lines of beating World of Warcraft.  By himself.

Decal Families - Suprise Sitters

Isn't this a cute little scene?

 

A mom and dad, a little girl, a wee one, some pets...

 

 

 

And their slutty dominatrix babysitters!

Stupid Humans

Since mustaches and facial hair are so hot right now, I thought this was pretty apropos.

 

The misplaced mustache.

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Southern Hospitality

Have you ever noticed that when you ask people from the south what is in a recipe they always, always wait until the last 2 ingredients to tell you about the mayonnaise and sour cream?  Which is always, always there in a southern recipe.

 

Last week I had an amazing spicy corn dip with jalapenos.  Kind of like this recipe but so much more complexity of flavor.  Think jalapeno juice!  The ingredients sounded so healthy at first, Mexican corn, green chilies, jalapenos...then here it comes like giant balls of hail pouncing on your food-loving heart...  And just a little mayo.  And sour cream.  And a bag of cheese.

 

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Oy!

 

It's like somehow, by admitting to the fattening ingredients last, you allow your heart to play a Jedi Mind Trick on your saddlebagged ass so that you can truly enjoy the delicious dip without feeling guilty.

 

I'm not saying I don't do the exact same thing, because I do.  You feel the innate instinct as a dip creator to protect your creation from neglect and disuse so you just kind of underplay the severity of the mayonnaise situation going on by using the words "just a little" and lots of tiny hand pinchers to really drive home how innocent your dip is. 

(It is not!)

 

Source

 

 

A lady never sour creams and tells!  Until she is asked, and then she lies just a teeeensy bit.

Royal Tot

It's confirmed!  Not only by US Weekly.  But by the palace itself!  Kate Middleton is pregnant.

 

Source

I cannot wait to see this beautiful woman become a mother.  I bet she will do it with grace, with poise, and with little to no weight gain.  Seriously, how does she maintain that weight?!  I can't even imagine the discipline that must take.  I myself am always just like 1 peanut M&M away from busting my pants button off.

 

If the palace is publicly confirming the news, than she must be at least 3 months pregnant with nary a sign of a baby bump.  I just couldn't be more thrilled to see her blossom into a royal mum!

 

But for now I just hope she feels better.  The poor thing is hospitalized for crying out loud!  She has Hyperemesis Gravidarum, acute morning sickness.  That truly just sounds wretched.

 

In other baby news, Jessica Simpson is pregnant for the second time, just 7 months on the heels of her first baby's birth.  I've heard a lot of people say that she is crazy to want to gain back all the weight she just so famously lost for $4 million.  But I'm on Jessica's side.  Pop those babies out just as fast as you want.  As a mother, you have the rest of your life to get paid millions to lose weight.  Oh wait, no.  That's just Jess. 

 

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Ice Cream Sundays - Chubby Hubby

This week's flavor was Chubby Hubby.  I loved it!  My favorite "candy" of all time is a yogurt covered pretzel.  I love the combination of salty and sweet.  The best of both healthy worlds, right?  Needless to say the fudge covered peanut butter filled pretzels were right up my alley. 

 

Sometimes I wonder who originally thought to combine certain things.  Like who was the first person that said, "I think I need to stuff peanut butter into these pretzels....Wait, that's still not good enough.  I must slather them in chocolate."  Some sort of evil genius I'm sure.

 

Ironically, my chubby hubby did not like this flavor.  I guess he likes his sweets sweet and his ice cream uninterrupted by savory intruders.  To each his own.  His dislike of this flavor has meant that the pint has survived over a week in the freezer.  Simply unheard of in our house!

 

I don't know if I'd buy this again because I love a lot of other flavors so much more, but I would not say no to a spoonful mug cup bowl of it if someone put it in front of my face.

 

Summary:

 

Flavors Tried - 36

 

Favorite Flavor(s) - Mint Chocolate Cookie, Creme Brulee, What a Cluster.  What can I say?  I crave a variety of flavors depending on the day.  I'm very complex.

Zing

A friend send this to me recently and I just couldn't have said it better myself.

 

A Day No Eyes Would Roll

In shocking news, I did not win the Powerball last night.

 

I bought my first ticket ever and seriously thought I was going to win, because I deserved it.  No really, that's what I said to Grant last night and he told me my odds were not good, in between eye rolls.

 

I also got an eye roll from the BP attendant when I asked for a Power "bowl" ticket and said, "This is my first time."  What?  I'm a gambling virgin.  I was in the Dominican Republic once and I cashed $20 into coins to play the slots.  I put in one coin, lost $0.25 and changed all my coins back in to cash.  I did not like losing money.  And I've never gambled since.  Until last night!

 

When I was buying the ticket a guy behind me asked me what I would do with it if I won.  I enthusiastically said, "Put it into to savings!"

 

I thought he was going to smack me.  He said that was the dullest response he'd ever heard.

 

Not even one matching number.

 

 

But it got me thinking what I would do if I won.

 

First, I really would put most of it in savings.  I heart financial security.

 

Second, I would give all of my blog followers $10 as promised last night.  Which you would know if you follow me on Facebook.  Which apparently no one does because I didn't get any more followers. 

 

Then I would probably get some sort of facial treatment to even out my skin.  Then I'd hire someone to repaint my neon yellow kitchen.

 

Then I would just go to bed and wake up for work the next day.  I mean, I'm sure I'd online shop once I got there for some Kate Spade purses and Frye boots that I would NEVER pay full price for without my lottery millions.  But after that I'd probably just sit back and watch my interest grow. 

 

It's nice to already have a lot of the things you already want.  And it's even nicer to not obsessively feel the need to have it all.  And by staying at my job and in my modest house I'd break the curse of the lottery ruining your life and I'd stay "true to myself" despite being rich as hell.

 

 But I didn't win so it doesn't matter.  But it's always nice to have a plan in place in case of sudden financial greatness.

Barbie's Secret to Success

Oh 1960's Barbie.  This is rich.  Barbie's Secret to Dieting.

To learn the secrets read this article.  Then buy a scale that doesn't go over 110 pounds.

 



Source

Bitch please.



The best part of this story is not just that they remade the version to include a diet book with one simple rule: Stop Eating.  It's that they renamed her to Barbie Sleepytime Gal.  That sounds like a direct English translation I saw in Buenos Aires once, Big Sexy Jeans.

 

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Never gonna happen!

 

Now we know the secrets to Barbie's ageless beauty.  Don't eat!  Never weigh over 110 pounds, and a tight weave!  That seems really realistic and healthy.

 

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Sittin' Pretty

Cyber Monday = Embarrassingly Full "mailbox" Wednesday

 

 

 

Wow that was fast shipping.  I am now the proud owner of 4 new counter stools in my kitchen that I got over $100 off with deals.  All I need is some hungry patrons at my kitchen counter and I'll be getting my money's worth in no time.

Are you my papa?

Speaking of fruit, sometimes it's hard to believe some of them are even related.

 

 

 

What a difference a few days can make!

Ode to Clementine

It used to make me really mad that clementines only come in boxes of 30. Who has enough hunger or time to eat that many clementines before they go bad? And why do they have to package them in those irresistible wooden boxes with all the perky little orange fruits staring at you, "Take me home! I'm adorable!"

 

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 They were actually following me at the Fresh Market last night!

 

 I fell for that box just last Saturday. But this time, the box will not beat me. I gave half to my dad, 2 per day to my husband, and I'm personally taking down at least 2 a day as well. I will dominate this box of clementines before they go bad. Mark my words!

The only thing I can see getting in my way is this Friday. AKA, the day that Grant brings all the fruit BACK home that he didn't eat during the week. Dude, just throw it away at work! I would never know you didn't eat it. I wouldn't be concerned about your vitamin levels. And, more importantly, who wants a black banana!? Throw. It. Away.

This message is brought to you by my Vitamin C level, which is currently on fire!

 

 

Cyber Tuesday

I was just online contemplating some decorative knobs when I came across a most awesome review.

 

I can't quite explain why, but his clarification really did make me feel more secure about my purchase.  Sure, we all want the approval of a gay man.  They are, after all, the experts on all things interior.  But sometimes we just want a straight man to think we are doing something cool or have good taste.

 

Let's hope that this straight woman likes the knobs as much as that straight guy.  He must have really loved them to leave a review.  Sometimes I can't even get a guy to say, "I loved the spaghetti" and he doesn't even have to leave the room or login to do that! 

Your Life

Have you seen the ridiciulousness that is Salt Life in your city?  In Wilmington it's everywhere!

 

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We get it.  You're here.  You're Salty.  And you're a dork. 

Salt life dude!

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I saw this sticker on the way to Florida last week and it's much more my speed.

 

I've said it before and I'll say it again: You do not need to express your world views and life's greatest passions on the back of your car.  Save it for real life conversations and Facebook statuses.  Oh wait, no, that crap is equally as annoying on facebook.  I'm happy that your team won its sport and I am sorry that your candidate lost, but I do not need to see that shit online.