You Like That Daddy?

What is the deal with new parents calling each other "Mommy" and "Daddy" in front of other people. And what the hell is the deal with new parents calling each other that when their baby isn't even present?

As I have mentioned, I self-hatedly watch Bethenny Ever After and those two fools call each other Mommy and Daddy almost exclusively. Even if they are with other adults, and no baby.

It all gives me the creeps. But it also reminds me of this funny from Friends.

Those crazy kids make a good point New Parents. Try calling each other by your grownup names when you're with other adults!

And please if you ever catch me doing this when I have kids give me a nice hard bitchslap across the face.

C is for Kate!

You know what doesn't make sense at all?

Why Catherine Middleton spells her real name with a "C", but her nickname Kate with a "K".

That's like me, Mamacita, going by the name Nama. It's not really an abbreviation if you just make up a new name!

Oh well. Still love her. Still want to be her.

One more royal thing...

I just noticed this...If you go to the video titled "Kate Middleton Walks Down the Aisle" (8th video down on this site) and go to the 2:45 mark, you can actually see Harry mouth the words, "Wait 'til you see her."

How cute is that!??! Aah Prince Harry is too cute!

I wonder when he will get married. I hope it's not to that Chelsy Davy. I always say couples who break up and get back together more than once shouldn't be together. They've broken up about 10 times. Plus she always look like she hasn't slept in days.

I think ol' ginge might need to find a new lady friend!

Baby Beluga

Somebody got the spa treatment of her life yesterday. And it wasn't me.

I gave my car, Baby Beluga, a 90,000 tune up for her 6th Birthday and da-da-dayum that girl has expensive taste.

$721.53 later, this bitch better last me until 2030.

But she sure does look happy with her new break pads, fresh lubes of every kind, and the tighest alignment on the block.

It sure is pricey to to maintain one's looks, even if one is a car!

I'm Getting Married in the Morning!

Did you do it? Did you do it? I didn't, but almost every other girl I know did.

I'm talking about waking up at 4AM to watch the Royal Wedding. I actually did dream of the Royal family all night if that counts for anything, until I went to the bathroom in the middle of the night and fell in the toilet because the toilet seat wasn't down! Then I felt too slovenly to dream of princesses.

So far the best Royal Wedding party that I've heard of was hosted by none other than my mom! The above picture is a snipet she sent me of her morning. There you can see champagne glasses on a silver tray with pearls, tiny tea sandwiches on the side, scones a la Ina, and one of her friends wearing a silk scarf and hat. Rumor has it that one of her guests also bought the whole gang fake copycat engagement rings like the one Kate wears.

Oh did I mention all of these woman came from out of town?! That's dedication! And that's also a whole lot of early-morning crazy!

If you didn't get up early enough to watch, or if you forget to DVR the wedding, check out this website here.

It has many good, short videos of all of the wedding highlights!

That Catherine Middleton sure is stunning! I loved her dress, her tiara, and her earrings - a gift from her parents. Also, I just think Prince William and Harry are so freakin cute! I bet they would be surprisingly fun to hang out with.

Ok gang, what do we have to look forward to now?? That's the rotten thing about epic events coming to fruition...

Drumroll Please!!!!

The winner out of 28 entries, using Random.Org was #28. That is @bgraybea via his Twitter entry.

I happen to know this jabrone quite well so I can ask him now what he picks as his prize. I will be showing off the winning loot some on DSW! I bet he is going to pick something involving lots of white bread. He loooooves bread.

Thanks for entering everyone! I'll do it again soon. It was fun to see who entered :) I love you all!!!

Only 3 hours Left!

Sorry for the radio silence. I'm taking a much needed diva day.

Stay tuned for the big announcement of the giveaway winner at 3pm today!!

I am awkward, Hear me roar

I know this is going to sound crazy, because I have the world’s most self-serving blog, but I HATE talking about myself to people that I don’t know really well.

The memo that I’m leaving my position just came out today so people who haven’t spoken to me in the last year are coming up to me asking questions about my move, my job search, my ability to move to the beach even though I have such fair skin (seriously, my coworker said that).

There’s almost nothing that exhausts me more than things like cocktail parties, bridal showers, and, I just found out, funeral receptions. I don’t know why it is, and it is NOT a good quality. I just can’t make small talk. I really, really can’t. This is not helped by the fact that I lack 99% of the ability to be serious. Ever.

I could talk until I’m blue in the face about Mariah Carey, any celebrity gossip, food, travel, or things I think are funny. But if you’re an adult that is curious about my job or my excitement level to move or the future in general, you are barking up the wrong tree. B/c this tree is an awkward sonofabitch.

I seriously need a nap right now because 3 people in the last hour have made me answer questions about when I’m leaving, if I have a job, and if I’m excited. For most people, that is called "normal social interaction." For me, it's reason enough to take a half-diva-day.

Humans, we have a problem!

B is for Bitch Bethenny

Oh, Bethenny Frankel. How you continue to confound me.

How did you get a man to marry you? You are mean. How did his parents give y'all their blessing to get married? You are mean to them!

How has your therapist not fired you as a client? You make undercooked turkeys into depressing flashbacks about your childhood. How can your assistant pretend so hard to be your friend? You yell at her.

I respect her as a business woman, and could even handle her abusive sense of humor if she used it 99% less of the time, but MY WORD that woman is the most self-involved nut job I've ever seen on TV. Over-analyze much? Crazy much?

Why she lets cameras in her home to film her being mean, crazy, and wearing a bra in the bathtub with her child is a mystery. Why I continue to watch this crap and let it make me so angry is another story entirely.

Any Bethenny lovers or haters out there? I can't stress it enough...she's just so MEAN! It actually makes me legitimately sad for her husband!

Circus Idiot

Yesterday I saw a man on a bike, sucking on a lollipop, in the rain, swerving on the road, not wearing a helmet.

Now I know he wants to be fatally injured, I just can’t tell how he’s trying to do it.

Brain injury, car collision, choking on a lollipop?

Sometimes it’s ok to NOT multi-task! But if you’re going to attempt to do everything on your bike besides your taxes, at least wear a helmet!

Moronathon!

Diveats - Buffalo Chicken Sausage

I haven't done one of these in a while!

No fancy cooking here. Just a little steaming of ze' green beans and squash. And reheating of the FREAKING AWESOME Buffalo Chicken Sausage.

I used this Al Fresco brand.

It had so much flavor and lots of protein! It's also low fat and low calorie.

It was nice to have all that meat at my disposable without the calories and guilt of a big steak or fattening beef sausage. I can't wait to try these sausages in all of the different flavors.

Next I think I will try the Spicy Jalapeno!

Give It Away

One more day for the giveaway! Details here:

http://www.divasayswhat.com/2011/04/inspired-so-giveaway.html#comments

Leave a comment on that post to enter. Or become a fan on facebook or twitter if you haven't already. Basically, just a NEW action is required to enter.

So far there are only 20 entries so the odds of winning are very good. It's all about the numbers baby!

Please Don't Be Real

This is the most I've ever wished that I was being Punked.

I read the wierd food blog of a girl who seems very nice, although definitely a little alternative. I don't even want to name her name because she seems so sweet. But I will definitely tell you why I hope I'm getting punked.

This girl had a baby 6 months ago. She has been talking ad nauseum about her difficulties with breastfeeding, which I actually find interesting so I don't get grossed out.

Well now I'm grossed out. She just bought a pendant from Etsy filled with her BREASTMILK...in the shape of a moon.

If you google Breastmilk pendants I am sure you could find both the creator and the buyer of the pendants. I don't want to be personally responsible for calling her out about it. But IIIIIIICK!

I can't even bring myself to put a picture of it on DSW. (Email me at divasayswhat@gmail.com if you want me to send you the link!)

I'm going to have to stop reading that blog now. I can't in good conscience take food advice from a woman that is carrying a frozen chunk of her own breastmilk around her neck. No thank you!

Egg Hunt

Mariah is really using her prelly (pregnant belly) as a blank canvas! I kind of respect the hell out of it.

First the butterfly prelly and now an Easter egg!

Since she's apparently never actually going to give birth to the twins because she's been pregnant for what feels like 3 years, she might as well decorate them in-utero!

Rainy Day Bells

I wonder how, in a surprise downpour of rain, your body knows how to make a natural glue between your legs and your pants that cause your pants to stick to the absolute most massive part of your thigh.

Thanks a lot pants and thighs :P

Also, I really love it when I come to work soaking wet (I walk to work) and people ask me if it's raining.

No, dumbass. This is just my new "soaking wet" outfit. Did you not read the latest In Style?

Giveaway Reminder

Don't forget to enter my reader appreciation giveaway. Details here.

I'm going to randomly choose a winner on Thursday, April 28 at 3pm.

Thanks to those of you who have entered already. I can't wait to see what the winner picks!

Just a thought...

Is it really necessary to put Sonogram pictures up on facebook? It seems like some things should be sacred...

No? Just me? Ok fine.

Related complaint: http://www.divasayswhat.com/2010/01/happy-new-years-divas.html

Shhhh! It's ok to be private sometimes!

On the Loose

Well this is not good news.

It looks like 476 prisoners escaped from an Afghan prison last night. 100 of which were Taliban commanders. If I were a local near that prison, I would be shaking in my burka!

In case your case of the Mondays wasn't already bad enough...

Something tells me this escape wasn't quite as touching as Andy's escape in The Shawshank Redemption, with the soothing voice of Morgan Freeman letting you know that justice was being served.

This seems more like a case of Taliban insurgents disappearing under the cloack of darkness to seek revenge and cause harm to innocent people.

Where'd Red when you need him!?

Inspired so a Giveaway

I am so overcome by the love and support of my readers these days that I've decided to do a lil' Giveaway!

Prize: Whatever you want! (within reason)

The winner, who will be picked at random on Thursday, April 28 will receive their choice of the following:

1) Baked good of your choice (cookies, brownies, poundcake, etc...anything that can be shipped next day...cupcakes not likely to stay in tact)

2) Even a healthy item (gluten free, sugar free, fat free something, you tell me!)

3) Random delights that you want (chia seeds, homemade nut butters, granola bars, etc.)

Whatever the winner wants I will give, within a making/buying budget of $25. Shipping will be next day and on DSW. Obvi US residents only. Let's be real. Diva is poor.

The inspiration is your awesome love and support...but do NOT be scurred to retweet, reblog, or just obnoxiously tell your friends about this. I would NOT be sad if I could a buttload of more readers ;)

Ways to enter:

1) Leave me a comment telling how you are a diva or ways in which the world could become more fabulous

2) "Like" divasayswhat on facebook

3) Follow me on Twitter

4) Retweet this to your twitter friends

I'm hoping to get lots of entries. If I get only 10 or less, I won't be surprised and will still honor the winner. But my diva-enis might be between my legs. NBD!

Good luck all! I'm clean, sanitary, and punctual. You want to win, I know it!

DivaSaysThankYou!

Wow!

I've been getting so much love for DivaSaysWhat.com recently! I am so grateful for all my readers.

My greatest joy in life is bringing a laugh to a fellow diva/awesome/wierd sense of humor human.

If I know that I brought you a laugh, a giggle, or maybe even a little tinkle in your pants, than I am truly fulfilled.

In case you are wondering...NO I do not make money off of my blog. NO I do not even make enough money at my real job to be the most diva I want to be. But YES I love my readers and YES I will write this redonkulous blog until my nonexistant arthritis prevents me from using computers.

The beauty of the a blog is that I can write whatever the hell I want. That means you should stay tuned for the following things that will eventually happen: moving in with my parents to save money (the horror! and that's actually happening circa mid-June), trying to raise kids without making them as absurd as I can't help being, and my husband's unbelievable choice of words regarding outfits, weight, cooked meals, and life. (I'm not pregnant but you bet your ass I will overshare for the sake of comedy when I eventually am).

If you've been with me since the hayday of the drunken fingerbash that started it all, then you know this a constant work in progress, like yours truly.

Also you would know that I am a recovering Mariah Carey addict.

Spread the word and feel the love. And please start commenting on the blog! I love the emails and fb posts, but how do people know how awesome I am if you don't make it public?!?

I heart all you beautiful bitches!

Divas 4 eva!

Run Nigerian Run!

Did you know that the winner of this year's Boston Marathon finished in 2 hours, 2 minutes, and 47 seconds?

That's a pace of 4:40!

AKA, a setting of over 12 on a treadmill. I can't be exact because Internet pace information doesn't even go above a 5 minutes mile!

As someone who has never even attempted to run faster than a 10 minute mile, I am going to be sore tomorrow just knowing that information.

This made me giggle

True dat.

All Hail the Queen...Twice

Diva Alert!!

Today is Queen Elizabeth’s actual Birthday. As in, the day she was born. I say it like that because she has two Birthdays. That’s right, 2 Birthdays.

But wait! It gets more diva.

Her second and “official” Birthday isn’t until June. Why June you ask? Because in June, “the fickle English weather is deemed more favourable for outdoor festivities.”

This is one of the most fabulous and ridiculous things I’ve ever not known until today. This seriously warms the diva quadrant of my heart.

I am so doing something absurd like that for my little divettes when I have kids. Who cares if you were born in October! We are celebrating in on Christmas day because nobody steals the spotlight from Mamacita, Jr! Not even JC.

If my baby wants a Winter Wonderland you best believe she’s going to get it!

Also extremely diva: Giving money to the poor during Easter time on your own Bday! Nice job your royal highness!

Happy Birthday Queen Elizabeth! May you continue to prosper and live for what has seemed like 200 years!

The One?

If you are a true diva, than you automatically heart the crap out of karaoke. I know I do!

But like with all important pastimes, karaoke has its own set of dangers.

One that I have run into on multiple occasions, including my last k-sesh (that’s awesome speak for karaoke session), is the “One” versus “The One” by Mary J Blige confusion.

I’ma tell you what, if you think you are about to belt out a soulful version of “One” by U2 and Miss Mary, and up pops the speedy, rap version of “The One” by MJB featuring Drake, you are in for the heart pumping surprise of your life.

Click on the links above and you will see how different they are. Both awesome, but way different!

As my sister can attest, it’s doable. Just not easy.

Choose your song selection wisely next time you pick MJB! The difference could be a greatly increased heart rate when you least expect it.

Express Yourself

I’m going to start keeping a list of the things that my husband says I look like when he first sees my outfits in the mornings. Because it’s just that unbelievable. And because I think he thinks they are compliments.

So far we have the following:

1) A Newspaper – Black pants, cream colored sweater with white piping

2) A Spider – Black pants, black sweater with white designs

3) The Blue Bandit – This was yesterday. Nothing starts your morning out right more than hearing “Wooooah, it’s the blue bandit!” when walking down the stairs. I’ma go ahead and donate that shirt to Goodwill…along with my Twilight books that I was just horrified to rediscover that I own.

4) Bonus* Cocktail Edition: A flamenco dancer – Black dress with a flowy neckline. From girls I get tons of compliments on it. My husband, however, hates it. Apparently I can’t pass as a sexy Latina woman?

Either I need a stylist or he needs a thesaurus.

Stay tuned for Spring wear! That should open up a whole new category of poetic, well-intended insults.

Babies R Mariah

"Nick Cannon has revealed that he is in 'awe' of his pregnant wife Mariah Carey."

Sounds sweet right? Wait. Read further here.

"Seeing her go through this and have to literally just relinquish everything that she's always been, and sacrifice her being for her children, is just the most beautiful thing I've ever seen."

Read: Nick Cannon can't believe that his wife is allowing herself to get so humongous that she can't even wear her trademark belly shirts anymore...Otherwise she really isn't "relinquishing everything that she's ever been." She's just pregnant.

On the plus side, at least he is in awe of her and not in fear. I bet the fleet of nannies and house servants helps dissipate those sorts of scared feelings.

In related news, WHEN ARE THOSE BABIES GOING TO BE BORN!? I feel like I've been waiting my whole life to meet those divettes.

Ninja Nigella NoSun

Source

Oh. Honey. No.

If you are this scared of the sun, then just flop around in the bath in you want to swim so bad!

That canNOT be comfortable. I hate the feeling of swimming in clothes. It makes me feel like I'm going to sink. I can't imagine that this Ninja suit is all that bouyant.

Nor is it even slightly flattering to her buxom body, which usually I find quite delightful.

Nigella, you might need to stick to your fake kitchen and leave the sunbathing to the pros.

You Don't Drink Like I Don't Drink

I have heard Kim Kardashian say so many times that she “doesn’t drink.” However, I have also watched every single episode of the Kardashians ______ (Fill in the blank, I’ve watched them all).

In all of these shows I have seen Kim drink tequila shots, champagne, fruity alcoholic drinks, a damn kegstand!, and even seen her outright say, “I have a hangover.”

So what is her definition of “not drinking”? It sounds like it’s a lot like my version of not eating fried foods, which I do at least 3 times a month. Or not missing a workout, which I do at least 2 times a week.

AKA, Neither one of us are not “not” doing it.

The only difference is? I’m only lying to myself. Kim Kardashian is telling this confusing non-truth to millions of viewers and over 7million Twitter followers.

It sure is nice to be non-famous!

When It Rains It Pours

You know the saying, "When it rains it pours"? Well sometimes that's so true and horrible that it just has to be hilarious.

In the last 4 or 5 days following the death of my grandmother, which is already sad enough, the following things have happened to several different members of my family:

1) A full upper-lip bruise that very closely resembles a mustache due to a fallen-box-on-face incident - Who doesn't want that when they are greeting 200 people who have come to pay their respects to your deceased mother?

2) Appendicitis and an emergency appendectomy.

3) A stress-related fever blister - also upper lip, also great for greeting over 200 people.

4) Flat tire

5) A still unexplained scare with the fire department

6) Wet pants - this one was a 2 year old so that's more natural, but still, no one likes to pee in their pants!

As for me, I'm just fine. I drove 16 hours in 3 days with a cold so runny I don't think my nose will ever be the same, but I really can't complain compared to the other random catastrophes that befell the rest of my family.

Long story short: I'm back. I do NOT like funerals. And I want the 2 layers of skin around my nose back.

Divas in Heaven

Sad news. We lost a fellow diva last night. And she was one of the true greats!

My grandmother died last night :( But now she will rest in peace forever! :)

Can you believe that is the first grandparent I've lost? I'm 27 and up until yesterday I have known and loved all 4 of my grandparents. I think that's pretty awesome.

I actually have a grandfather who is 96! He told my dad once, "We don't amount to much...But we live forever!" Haha, so far so good Mamacita.

Anywho, I'm going to be road trippin it to Florida with my dad here in a minute so I'll be out of comish for a few days.

See you back in a couple of days and please send good thoughts my way!

Asleep Behind the Pharmacy Counter

I have a cold.

Yesterday I went to buy some medicine. After finally finding <$10 generic version of something that fit my symptoms, I then couldn't tell if it was Non-Drowsy or Drowsy.

When did buying cold medicine get so damn confusing?!

I went to ask the Pharmacist if it was a Non-Drowsy version, which is what I wanted. She said, hesitantly, "Well...it has acetaminophen so it can cause drowsiness, but not necessarily." So it's Non-Drowsy?!

She seemed really unsure about what the hell she was telling me so I just decided to be dramatic and ask if it had anything major like the same ingredients as NyQuil that would donk me out.

Well I'm sure glad I asked! It was the exact same main active ingredient. If I hadn't prodded further I would have certainly taken that medicine and fallen asleep behind the wheel. I will not be frequenting that pharmacy!

With the Non-Drowsy medicine I did end up getting, I also bought Liquid Plummer and Ant Bait, so I'm pretty sure I'm on a meth-lab watchlist now.

Sacagawho?

This is borderline the meanest thing I've ever said, but if you ever want to see something amazing, pay for a purchase with a Sacagawea at a place where the employees most likely dropped out of high school.

Minds will be blown.

I got 99 problems but a blog ain't one

This is my 1000th post on DivaSaysWhat.com!

That is a lot of useless knowledge I have dropped on your asses.

Thanks for reading, don't be scurred to tell your friends about DSW, and have a divalicious day!

I don't even know

In THE-MOST-RANDOM-THING-EVER-TO-HAPPEN news, Kimberly Stewart (Rod's daughter) and Benicio del Toro are having a baby together!

To read more click here.

She's 31. He's 44. And their age gap is the absolute least noteable part of this procreation.

My mind has officially been blown.

Womp Womp Monday Poo

It is a rare weekend for me when I don't sleep in until 10am or later at least one of the weekend days.

It is also rare unheard of for me to wake up at 6:30am on a Saturday and run 4 miles voluntarily.

Well both of those things happened this weekend. And apparently sleep matters.

I am feeling like one ornery beotch this morning. I think it's the most I've ever not wanted to be at work. Oh, and I can barely walk.

Hurricane Mamacita has reached land folks. Watch out!

I'm a barbie girl

Source

This is Heidi Montag, right?

What Barbie would look like if she was a real person.

Medium My A

Despite my pretty strong dislike of running, I for some reason sign up for a race once or twice a year. I always regret it and dread it, like any positive person would, but there's one thing I do get excited about. Carboloading!The T-Shirt!

The race T-Shirt allows unspoken bragging rites all year round without revealing to anyone that you were the last in your age group.

Well check out this BS.

They gave me a damn tummy t! The blue shirt pictured above is allegedly a woman's medium. Guess what?! So is the red shirt below it.

Clearly the person who made these shirts hates woman who don't wear a size 0 and wants to punish them. They also refused to let me switch to a different size.

What a waste! I honestly can't even think of anyone small enough to give this shirt too. But if you are really small and want an otherwise perfectly good, Dri Fit!!! shirt, I'll be happy to send it your way.

Otherwise I'll try to fashion it into some extreme headband.

Btw, if you want a really unique challenge this weekend, try taking a picture of yourself with a bag over your head. I did that for the sake of anonymity and because I don't have photoshop, but it's not as easy as it looks!

Ants in my pants...and my kitchen...and my shower

It's getting warmer outside. Do you know what that means?

MOTHER FREAKING ANTS!

It's really grinds my gears when I have to do a deep clean of my kitchen even after I so much as pour a cup of lemon infused water, just because these damned ants can't keep it in their pants!

I hope we don't have a repeat of the ant horror of last year. Read about it here. I can't afford another microwave!

Oojaboo and Ninjas Too

This will only be interesting if you care a lot about UNC men’s basketball and even a little about sports in general, but yesterday I saw something pretty cool.

After watching this video yesterday, I started following Dexter Strickland and Kendall Marshall on Twitter. (P.S. If you want to start following me/need more of my pointless thoughts during the day, click here).

As luck would have it, these guys were playing right across the street from my office at the exact time I get off of work!

I walked up to find 4 UNC starters, all over 6 feet tall, playing against 3 girls, 1 Asian dude, and 2 short whities. I literally couldn’t have picked a more humorous lineup.

I watched for about 15 minutes before Leslie McDonald ninja dunked the ball and took the entire goal (rim, net, etc.) with him and they had to move to another location.

It was super cute to see that these 4 College Bballers and future NBA stars are really just precious young college boys!

I don't make sense

First of all, I LOVE going out to dinner.

Second of all, I am crazy.

That being said, do you ever feel a deeper connection with someone when you order the same meal at dinner?

Last night my mom and I ordered the exact same thing: House Salad + A Small Plate (tamales) and there was just a bond there from across the table...besides the bond we have because of the fact that she gave birth to me.

It is so nice being able to talk to someone about the same meal! Especially when you don't have to do the dishes. Am I alone here?!

We are bonded. We are Marshall Small Plates!

Just a Drizz

Ina Garten is to a "drizzle" of Olive Oil as I am to having "one" drink (i.e., does not happen).

Ina, 4 Tablespoons is not a drizzle. Self, a bottle of wine is not a drink.

Naked Lady with a Baby

I know this is day old news, but I simply did not have the words to express the epicness that is this picture of Mariah Carey yesterday.

But now that I have let it marinade overnight, where do I even begin? First of all, is it really "All About the Babies!"? Because this looks like it's more All About Mariah and her hair being stuck in her armpit.

Gone are the "elegant" pregnant pictorials of Demi Moore and Britney Spears when they were knocked up and cradling their stomachs. In is the amazonian pregnant diva that is Mariah Carey feeling herself up.

By the way, kudos to Life & Style for putting the pricetage right on her pregnant belly. I like the whole sentimental concept of the babies literally being for sale, via magazine $$$, before they are even born.

I am ready to meet this kiddos!

Senor Bumble Bee

You've all seen the Nasonex commercials, right?

What the HELL does a sexy Spanish bee have to do with allergy medication?

The bee kind of makes sense b/c of pollen. But why does he have to be Spanish? And why does he have to be so damn sassy?

I'm not saying I don't like. But I am definitely saying that I don't get it.

Hungry?

Whoever came up with the expression "Don't bite the hand that feeds you" was seriously disturbed.

That is not something the average person should have to remind themselves of.

Oh Here Go Hell Come!

Heaven Help Us All!

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1373506/Reality-hell-Heidi-Montag-Jake-Pavelka-unite-new-TV-show.html

According to the website above, none other than Jake Pavelka, Heidi Montag, and Danielle Staub are currently filming a reality show together. You might know them best from their work in my own personal hell.

Details unknown. Wretchedness guaranteed.

You know it's a bad trio when the one I would most like to hang out with is Heidi Montag. And even then I'd still rather be marooned on an island with just a volleyball, a la Castaway/Wilson.

* Title of this post inspired by the great broken English of Calvin Tran: Clip here