U.S.A.

It drives me crazy when people don't walk on the right side of the sidewalk. And by right, I mean right, AND correct.

Just because you stop driving on the road and start walking on the sidewalk, it doesn't mean we stop being in America!

Right side of the road. Right side of the sidewalk.

Simple. Correct. American.

Celeb Sightings

Have any of y'all seen lots of celebrities before?

My list of celebrity sightings reads like a Who's Who of Who Cares.

The list includes the following D-listers, with the exception of Julius Peppers (who I also touched on the shouler):

- Frank and Kathy Lee Gifford

- The girls from Clueless (the TV show, not the movie)

- Chris Hardwick

- Arnold Schwarzenegger

- Lisa Ling

- Alan Jackson (who is pretty cool actually)

- Bill Russell

- Jimmy Dean

- And I saw Paul Rudd, who I LOOOOVE!

Lame. Sauce.

I seriously couldn't hand pick a less divalicious crowd.

Hopefully I can change all that tomorrow night :)

Petite Pressure

Last night I undertook the daunting task of buying my first clutch purse.

It seriously was nervewracking. I have to wear it my big event tomorrow night and I still don't know if I am going to look like an idiot or a fashionista.

Since I didn't have anyone with me to help make a decision, I don't know if I made a hit or a miss.

The fact that I got it from J.C. Penny for $11, makes me think it's a MISS.

But the fact that it was the only clutch under $100 that didn't look like it was spray painted by Jessica McClintock herself, gives me hope that I can pull this teeny tiny purse off!

Wish me luck!!

Emergency!!!

Sometimes people just don't use words right.

For instance, I use the word "devastation" way too much in non-serious situations, thus rendering the word useless in scenarios that actually are devastating.

Same thing happened with the word "emergency" one time in DC. I was at a bar with a couple of friends and a couple of people that I had just met.

One of the latter, a gentleman drinker of Tom Collins, was getting really impatient for his next drink. He rudely snapped over the waiter and hurriedly asked for an "emergency drink". WTF?!?! What is the emergency? That you're an alcoholic?

The use of this word is one part WRONG and 3 parts soooooo obnoxious. And probably a dash of spit from the offended waiter.

But, since the word no longer has a perfect record, I'm going to overdramatize it again.

Today I'm getting an emergency pedicure! It's an emergency because I need it for this weekend for a very special event I'm going to (celeb sightings might be involved).

And it's an emergency because I have to get there before 7pm and after the gym!

Sometimes life is just more fun when you are devastatingly dramatic!

Quote of the Day

"Hi Poodle."

Manis and Pedis are not just for humans

It warms my heart to know that even our fellow K-9 Divas are getting the VIP treatment they deserve.

Photo courtesy of CAL.

Diamonds are a GIRL'S best friend!

I only know one man in real life that actually has a diamond on his wedding band, and I think it is beyond strange.

When you're living in small town North Carolina, and not gettin jiggy wit' it with P. Diddy and the gang out in Los Angeles, the basic rule for everything is KEEP IT SIMPLE.


Nonetheless, said man-bling got me to thinking about other taboo man jewelry. (Side note, I think all man jewelry besides wedding bands is taboo.)


That's when I found this.


I have some advice. If your husband-to-be asks you for his own engagement ring, be concerned.


Unless you are marrying Liberace, your man should feel comfortable letting you be the one in the relationship with the jewelry collection.

What do you think about man jewelry? Is a gold necklace a deal breaker for you too?

Source

Housekeeping Items

I don't believe people who say they don't like Ranch dressing.

I believe that you might be really health conscious and not want to eat it.

I believe that the ingredients might gross you out.

But I do NOT believe that you don't like, like Ranch dressing.

People who say this are liars, and should be given copious amounts of Ranch dressing for every major holiday.

And, yes, that is a ranch dressing fountain pictured above.

Strange Encounters

Sometimes even I think I'm lying when I tell certain stories, but I assure you this is true.

I was at a party this Saturday which, not that it matters, was given in honor of my fiance and me. While everyone at the party was making us feel like a big deal and being very hospitable, one individual took a different approach.

Scene: I am at the beer/wine bar at the hostess's house, pouring myself a glass of wine from a bottle that is nearly empty.

Old man in clown sweater approaches holding his wine glass out like homeless people do with their coffee cups full o' change.

"I need more wine. Pwease, pwease, pwease."

Although wierded out by the baby talk, naturally I split the tiny bit left in the bottle with him and begin my exit. Respect your elders divas.

"I want more...I'm just going to take this."

I laugh, assuming he is joking as he reaches toward the glass that I have been using all night and clearly just refilled in front of him.

He wasn't joking.

He proceeded to take my entire glass of wine and dump it into his own glass.

While I was very annoyed that A) I didn't have anymore wine and B) no one was around to witness this shocking sequence of events, mostly I was, and remain, extremely confused.

I must have missed that day in etiquette class...forks on the left, don't talk with you mouth full, and when your cup do not runneth over, steal your neighbor's wine.

Quote of the Day

"The talking cookies are back!"

Because I love you...

Happy Weekend Divas and Divos.

Now go get your drank on!

Source

I do...not know how to control my laughter

I just got my marriage license. It was freakishly easy.

The only challenging part was reciting an oath in tandem without laughing.

Half way through I seriously had to fight back laughter because I realized, after 5 years of dating, a year of living together, traveling across the country twice, and countless other great and not neccessarily perfect times together, I have never recited anything with my fiance.

This seems pretty obvious because when do you ever recite things with people, unless you are in a cult or the Boy Scouts?

But suddenly I was like "Woah, this $h*t is for real!" I'm saying this oath with my hand on the Bible and in front of a Register of Deeds employee with the most severe redneck bob I've ever seen. (You know the type, short and upward in the back, with two very much longer situations in the front?? Kind of like the picture above but much worse.)

Anywho, I didn't cold feet or anything. But I realized it's official. I'm getting married and I finally have my very own Mr. Mamacita! Very wierd and exciting!

We Should All Be So Lucky

Ever heard of Fatorexia?

ME NEITHER! But it sounds awesome!

"When I looked in the mirror I saw an attractive face, with immaculate make-up and perfectly groomed hair. I always had manicured nails, wore gorgeous shoes and chose my clothes carefully."

If this beotch wasn't 252 pounds, I'd say she was a little cocky!

Check out the article. If this condition ends up spreading around the world, swimsuit season just got a lot more interesting!

Source

Diva No More?

It looks like Mariah is seriously stepping down from her diva demanding pedestal. See here.

Gone are the white doves and white kittens.

Now all homeslice wants is some Chardonnay and a cheese platter!

Sooo low brow Mariah. Heck, while you're at it, why don't you add some Lunchables and other affordable processed treats?

If you don't demand ridiculously expensive and extravagant things, how are we supposed to distinguish you as a diva and not just a rapidly expanding, wearer or all things sequined?!

Even I'm pickier than that and I don't think I've ever bought a bottle of wine that costs more than $9!

Get back in the game diva!

I. DIE.

Good news people. Life just got good again.

Allegedly, my number one TV diva, Karen (from Will and Grace - named after the less funny lead characters), is going to be touring as her amazing TV-character self.

Check out the teaser here.

They are saying she will come to any area that has a strong Will and Grace following. How do they know!?!? Where can I move to be in one of those areas permanently?!?

The Most Recognized Day of the Year

Happy Administrative Professionals Day Divas!

If your day is as rewarding as mine so far, then you have also received no recognition whatsoever.

Being an "Administrative Professional" is truly the gift that keeps on giving (me rage).

Treat yourself to a little mani/pedi after work, Administrative Professional. Because with a job title that sexy, your extremities should keep pace.

Lots of pressure on Tuesday night TV

If Kate Gosselin doesn't get the boot from Dancing With the Stars tonight, I don't even know what I'm going to do.

I would enjoy watching paint dry more than watching her dance in her soulless robotic fashion.

And I would definitely enjoy listening to nails on a chalkboard more than her monotone bitch voice during rehearsals.

On a similar note, I am praying that Glee improves this season, because I was none too pleased with the season premiere. I thought it lacked lust, good dance routines, and the traditional extra hour that is usually given to a hugely anticipated premiere.

Was anyone else out there disappointed with the Glee premiere?

Quote of the day

"OK, rule number one. Unless you're served in a frosted glass, never come within four feet of my lips."

I'm not just a diva

I'm also one hell-of-a Photo Hunter.

Now you know why I don't blog on the weekends. I'm too busy changing lives and finding dissimilarities in photos.

Could Baby Biebs already be a Deev

According to this article from the NY Post, Justin Bieber kept the Mensa club, I mean his fans, waiting in an auditorium for an hour because he was at McDonald's getting his grub on.

My question is, where is the Quality Control Manager for this McDonald's franchise?! It should not take more than 2 minutes to get an Egg McMuffin, let alone an hour!

Either way, J. Biebs should probably get his $h*t straight and respect his fans. Because once he hits puberty and his voice changes, who knows if he is still going to be able to croon like the Rastafarian that he is.

And, Justin, OMG, please cut your bangs.

The Rythym is Going to Get You

I just saw a girl sitting on a bench outside, playing the ACCORDION!

Not normal!

It's one thing to sit on the campus quad and enjoy the weather.

I'll even accept some uber-granola frisbee throwing.

But I draw the line at carting around an 11-28 pound musical instrument and setting up shop on an unassuming park bench.

My personal rule of thumb is that if you're going to be doing something that involves the outdoors and nice weather, it should be drinking. NOT playing the accordion.

Poo Poo Platter

I came to a sad realization today.

When I get married and change my last name I will lose:

1) Shared initials with two of my greatest passions: Mariah Carey and Melted Cheese

2) The ability to say my initials to the tune of NBC. Enn Bee Ceee!

I'll just have to sing this song a lot to get me through it.

Well, son of a B

I seriously have been meaning to blog about my second round of American Idol/North Carolina/Mistaken Identity/DejaVu this whole week. I was just waiting until my brain started working...hello Thursday. But I'm glad I waited because it just got more interesting!

Many moons ago, when Fantasia Barrino was a recent American Idol, I thought I saw her everywhere I went. She is from North Carolina so it didn't seem that far fetched. Basically, every black woman with short hair was Fantasia. Only, none of them were.

Now, flash forward about 5 years. If it isn't mother freakin Anoop Desai everywhere I go! This time it's even worse because he lives in the same general area as me and is an alumni of UNC, where I work. So with Anoop, I pretty much see him everyday. But of course I've never really seen him (except in concert...no comment please).

Now, cut to present day, 10 minutes ago. Anoop Desai in my office! The REAL one!!

I get that this is only remotely interesting because A) American Idol is no longer even watchable, B) Anoop didn't even win his season, and C) I really only saw his hand and leg.

But still!! A celeb sighting is a celeb sighting is a WHAT WHAT!?

Quote of the Day

"Grab a bottle, hunker down and pray for day light."

You might as well take a sick day tomorrow...

if you plan on participating in this Glee drinking game.

You must drink every time…
- Sue says something that would create a lawsuit in a real workplace. So, basically chug whenever she speaks.
- Rachel wears argyle anything.
- Anyone mentions pregnancy. Yes, even the fake one.
- Someone gets slushied. (This applies to recaps.)
- Finn wears sports paraphernalia.
- Mercedes out-sings Rachel. Double down if the scene gives you goosebumps.
- Kurt talks about fashion. Or Lady Gaga.
- Anyone points out that Vocal Adrenaline is scary good.
- Finn and Puck glare at each other.
- We’re reminded of Emma’s intense germophobia.
- Artie wears a sweater vest.
- Puck talks about sex.
- Tina speaks. Wait, that never happens. Just drink anytime that Tina is in the frame.
- Quinn reminisces about her days as a Cheerio.
- The guy whose name I don’t know because all he does is dance, dances.

I would play if I had an opponent, but sadly I will be tuning in to this masterpiece alone tonight. Although, if I get really lonely I could always call my friends Pinot and Grigio to come play :) They are always there for me.

Weeeeee for Gleeeeee

Tonight's the big night!!

Check out the preview here and get pumped for 3 of my favorite things:

* Singing

* Dancing

* Love stories

Oh my!!

Quote of the Day

"Die? What are you talking about? I'm going to live forever. That's the deal, right Red?!"

Facts of Life

I've finally come to the conclusion that in my life, I'm basically just biding time until the second Sex and the City movie comes out.

And I'm very ok with that.

May 27, 2010 marks a very important date in the history of Divas and entertainment.

If any one in the North Carolina vicinity wants a diva date to the movie, let me know!

Otherwise I'll just be that awkward popcorn inhaling, uncontrollably sobbing, lonesome dove in the back of the movie theather.

But no matter what, I'll be there with bells on.

Cats are stupid

Did you know that you are allowed to bring cats/dogs with you on a plane...to your seat!!??


I got on a plane on Friday and was frightened to find out that the girl next to me had a "Pet Taxi" with an animal in it under the seat in front of her.


I thought it was a cat, which I am highly allergic to (and hate). But since I didn't have an allergic reaction I can't be sure.


However, I did have a severe allergic to reaction to the way she was talking to her pet. Baby talk!! It's the worst!


I can't believe with all of the rules involved with flying, that people are allowed to carry on pets.


I think that pets should be limited to land, and baby talk should be outlawed altogether!

Quote of the Day

"You'd better take a look in the mirror. You've got a little crazy on your face."

Good News, Bad News

Ok, all the good news is for me:

First, today is my Friday! :) I am flying to the beautiful city of Jacksonville, FL tomorrow to see my cousin get married!

Second, I get to debut not 1, not 2, but 3 brand new dresses!!

- One is "resort casual" attire, whatever that means.

- One is just a cute lil' ole sundress.

- And one is soooo not something I usually wear, but it hopefully going to be fierce.

Teaser = it only has one shoulder and is hot pink and there is a bow involved.

Now for the bad news!

I won't be with my faithful divas and divettes on the blog tomorrow, because you know mama don't work when she's on vacay.

I'll see you back on Monday to report on the dresses and see if I can get a repeat of this.

Source

Sad for myself, Hot for TV

Do any of yall out there have any TV relationships that you are really overly emotionally invested in?

I am TOTALLY dying for Will and Alicia on "The Good Wife" to get together. The sexual tension is on fire!!

Additionally, and newly, I am LOVING John Ritter's son on "Parenthood" with Lauren Graham's character. While I'm not a big fan of his Don Quixjote goutee, I adore his character.

Yonger men...growl!

If you don't watch either of these shows, you should. Especially "The Good Wife". I LOVE IT!

And when Will and Alicia finally get together, I might throw a celebration party. Since the UNC Men's Basketball team didn't do anything worth celebrating this year, I have to think of some reason to host a get together!!

Double D

As a general rule, I tend not to eat foods named after wrestling moves.

For instance, I wouldn't eat a sandwich called a body slam, or drink a smoothie called a choke-hold.

So, you won't find me eating one of these Double Down monstrosities anytime soon.

However, I somehow feel compelled to defend this lil' monster.

I seriously think that if this were a regular, "double patty" sandwich, with buns, no one would pay it any mind. And that would be even worse for you.

I'm just saying, I feel for KFC. They try to make their own sickass hybrid of "low carb" bunless sammy, and get a figurative citizens' (cardiac) arrest for being inventive!

When I come out with my own inside-out Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwich filled with bread, I hope people are a little more understanding.

Quote of the Day

"As I once said to Celine Dion: Why the long face?"

Diva Says WHAT?!?

Ok, maybe not a diva, but the 400 lb Security Officer at my building says WHAT?!

After complaining that we are having a very hot summer, after a very cold winter, Officer Genius just said the following:

"Didn't a space shuttle just go up in the air?...That usually changes the atmosphere."

HUH!?!??!

I'm just glad she's "protecting" the office and not performing brain surgery somewhere.

Either that, or I must've been sick that day in WTF 101 in High School.

Who's in the House?

http://www.todaysbigthing.com/2010/04/05

Click the link above.

Not that I'm around a lot of anethesia patients, but I am willing to bet that very few break out into Gospel Rap.

At first I thought she was saying Jay-Z, and I was down with that. But then she clarified that she was actually spitting rhymes about Jesus Christ.

Whether or not you're religious, you have to admit, girl's got skills.

Dancing With a Bag of Cats

I almost couldn't focus on how talentless Kate Gosselin and Buzz Aldrin were last night...thanks to the "sounds" coming from the house band.

When they attempted to sing "Hey, Soul Sister" by Train (aka, the most overplayed song on XM Radio), I actually thought my ears were bleeding.

Fast forward to the 3:30 mark here.

No joke, this is the worst show I've ever made myself watch.

That being said, I can't wait for the results show tonight. I guess I'm hooked on the pain!

M.V. Diva

I was at a restaurant this weekend, in the ladies' room, when a woman came up to me and said, "Oh my gosh, I'm so glad I saw you because I really want to talk about your dress!"

She continuted, "You know how when you go to a party, you always try to decide which person has the best dress on?...Well you win!"


It was truly a moment of DIVA and it was magical!


Just another reminder to spread the love people!


Image via http://media.photobucket.com/image/diva/Spongie23/Diva_silber.jpg

Quote of the Day

"Honey I'd suck the alcohol out of a deodorant stick."

Infected

I think that with all of the problems we have had with society in the 21st century, including the following:

1) Swine Flu

2) Pregnancy Pacts

3) War

4) Earthquakes

5) Corruption

6) Ankle boots

7) Etc.

the worst pandemic we are facing is people starting their sentences with "So," when it has no relevance to the sentence whatsoever.

Example: "So, yeah, I lost my phone, so I'm going to need numbers."

No, you just lost your phone, and you just need numbers. No so.

NO SO NO MO'!

Break out the bubbly!

I just ponied up the $10 to buy my domain name, so now you can go straight to divasayswhat.com!

That will look so much better on the bumper stickers I'm having made than divasayswhat.blogspot.com.

This is not an April Fools' joke. This really just happened in your lifetime.

Praise Divas!

Image via http://www.divinafe.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/be_your_own_diva_filter_white_22.jpg

April Fools' Suckas!

Don't forget to do something really annoying and pretend to someone you love today!

Image via http://i30.tinypic.com/159cid.jpg

Half human, Half pig

If I was splattered with 3 shots of bacon grease to the face last week, and the spots look like they might scar, does that mean I will have part of a pig stuck in my face for the rest of my life?

I don't mean to be dramatic (yes I do), but that might actually be too much for me too handle for eternity.

Perhaps I shall become a vegetarian to avoid further facial deformaties.

Guilty

Did you know that shows like Judge Joe Brown and Judge Judy aren't real?!

My sister met an "actress" on the streets of NYC yesterday who listed one of her credits as been "on Judge Joe Brown."

Apparently, she and her son were both paid $1200 and flown out to film a "hearing" in which she is suing her son for $40.

Now, I didn't get all the dirty deets on the what the $40 was for, but this makes my heart hurt nonetheless.

What sort of world do we live in when:

A) producers of this show are encouraging frivolous lawsuits by paying people to sue each other!

B) A mother would actually agree to faux sue her son for a measly $40 on national television! It may be fake to you lady, but Child Services and all the folks in your neighborhood might not know that you're jokin'

You gotta respect the law people!

Spinal Tap

Yesterday evening, due to a raging headache, I participated in a pathetic 15 minutes of a Pilates class before walking out.

Yes, I am ashamed to admit it. But I honestly couldn't take one more minute of listening to the nasaly instructor talking about my lower, middle, and upper spines. While all this time I thought I just had the one spine!

Fear not though, upon making my escape I did pick up my phone and make a very dramatic face, so that anyone looking at me would think that some sort of emergency had occurred.

Divas never quit...unless they have something better to do.*

*Mine was drinking wine in my backyard, reading In Touch magazine. :)

Quote of the Day

"Excuse me while I go and scrape the scorpians of my skin."