Prim and Proper

I was asked to be an alumni host for an etiquette dinner last night. T'was quite interesting.

The meal was pretty good, really not the best I've ever had. But the price was delicious...FREE!!

I guess you really can't put a price on the sort of expertise that I have. At the end of the evening I calculated that I probably adhere to 3% of the rules we were taught.

Some of it was just plain ridiculous. At one point the instructor said, when at a business lunch or dinner, never discuss politics, sex, or religion, and never drink or eat too much.

I lived in DC for a few years and, well, those rules just don't really fly when it comes to politicians and expense accounts.

Any who, the freshman student at my table maid me feel like Queen Elizabeth. At one point he was breaking up his roll and putting it all up in his dainty little tomato bisque. And at another, he was actually using his finger to put his food on his fork. I know he was left handed, but come on!

All in all, the evening was a success. I taught the students at my table about appropriate dinner topics like "What do you think of my hair?" and "Does this outfit make me look fat?" Just general stuff like that.

It's really an honor and a privilege to teach the youth of America how to eat like a diva! Bon appetite!

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